


Delicate Things

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars Rewrites [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, Hurt Poe Dameron, Jedi Ben Solo, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, POV Poe Dameron, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi rewrite, Resistance Leader Poe Dameron, mentions of Ben Solo | Kylo Ren - Freeform, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13297491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: There are some things of Ben’s Poe Dameron can’t throw away.





	Delicate Things

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Use Of Symbolism
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Skipping ahead, I know, but this was an idea that was bothering me for a while and I had to get it out.

  
There’s numerous things that Poe keeps that remind him of Ben Solo, next to his mother’s things. After knowing that Ben Solo is really Kylo Ren, Poe ought to throw them away, but he can’t. Maybe it’s sentimental attachment, maybe it’s refusal to believe that Ben Solo is really gone (first stage of grief is denial, isn’t it?), but he’s not throwing them out.

Maybe he should. But something’s stopping Poe from doing so.

The first is Ben’s Padawan braid. He knows it from when Ben was knighted, prior to their wedding. He can remember untamable hair refusing to conform to the braid. He remembers Ben, eighteen, innocent, happy, a friend and later devoted lover, remembers fingers tangling in restricted hair, and later, loose, flowing curls that Ben had gotten better at taming. The Force, that was the running joke, away from Ben’s uncle, who would disapprove most likely and say that no, that wasn’t how the Force worked. And they would laugh, and Ben’s face would be practically radiant with light. So much light, so much mirth, and he would be so beautiful that Poe couldn’t understand anyone who would think otherwise about him.

He can remember Ben, handing him that braid. His beautiful, earnest face, uncertain as to if Poe would like his gift — and Poe taking it from him, kissing him deeply. Poe had kept it since. Such a small thing, with so much innocence attached.

The next is the ring. He already wears his mother’s ring around his neck after Ben lost it at Yavin IV. During the murders he committed, Poe knows now. He knows that if others find out the real reason he’s wearing his mother’s ring around his neck, they’ll ask questions, including but not limited to how it feels to be the spouse of one of the most hated men in the galaxy. And how Ben Solo became that man in the first place.

But the other ring he keeps in his box, remembering Ben’s meeting with his father to ask Poe’s hand in marriage, everything about a day that seems like a happy, innocent day. Two men who loved each other, and who wanted to get married. He remembers the wedding, and the night that followed, and the honeymoon. Remembers how Ben would touch him so gently and kiss him so tenderly, like Poe was transparisteel and he would shatter if Ben wasn’t careful.

Too much of a contrast to Kylo Ren ripping down his defenses. Being Kylo Ren made Ben ruthless and cruel, how his gentle, loving husband became that, Poe will never know. And that’s something he can’t understand, how his husband did that to him.

The next is a shell Ben found on the beach — a rose-colored shell. He can remember Ben’s almost innocent delight — apparently a contrast from how he is now — exclaiming at all the different shells on the beach like they were rare jewels. He remembers Ben’s wide, earnest brown eyes looking at him like he ached for Poe’s approval. Of course Ben didn’t need Poe’s approval, didn’t need to earn it — Poe gave his love to him without restraint, without condition. He never needed to work for something Poe would freely rain down on him because he loved him so.

Poe didn’t just approve of Ben; he adored him. Ben had all of him, as he had all of Ben, and Ben seemed to think that he was some sort of angel with birds perched on his shoulder and flowers springing up under his feet. Which was sweet, funny and exasperating all in one — Poe wasn’t perfect. Perfection was never in his repertoire and yet Ben seemed to think he was perfect. Even trying to gently tell Ben that he had his faults led Ben to say that they were details, and nothing about Poe could be anything less than perfect.

There are others, of course. Lightsaber crystals that Ben gave him, repair tools...all such little things that Poe can’t let go of. Such small things, pieces of Ben Solo’s story, his innocence, that mean too much to Poe. He doesn’t show them to anyone. But he keeps them close. In times like these, he needs them more than ever. In times like these, he keeps them close — delicate things he can’t quite let go of.


End file.
